Vagabonding Thoughts

Flower for Oma Sturgill

Today is the one-year anniversary of my grandmother’s death last year.

She lived nearby and we were quite close. Unfortunately, she passed away while I was in the Netherlands, so I did not get to tell her any sort of proper goodbye. I did rush home just in time for the funeral. Vagabonding has a romantic sound to it, but events such as deaths in the family sometimes do make me question whether I am doing the right thing by putting thousands of miles between myself and the people I care about.

Here I am, exactly one year later, and I find myself even farther from home. In the field once again with no mobile phone and limited email access. It makes me nervous and also makes me realize that, despite not being there, life goes on at home without me. Things are not magically put on pause every time that I waltz out of the country. People do not always wait for you.

When I look at it this way, vagabonding seems like such a selfish endeavor. Unfortunately, I have become a slave to the fire in my chest to keep going and going. As I found out earlier this year, trying to stay in one place just makes the need to move burn out of control, and it consumes myself and everyone around me. I have spent plenty of lonely nights lying in guesthouses and bungalows pondering my new path. Is this just a two-year break from a “normal life,” or vagabonding my new life?

The spark that started inside of me almost two years ago is now white hot and out of control. I should probably have some sort of plan for how to get this addiction under control, but I don’t.

Right now my plan is just to burn.

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3 Responses to “Vagabonding Thoughts”

  1. The fact that you spend so much time updating this blog speaks volumes about how unselfish you are. These things take a lot of time!

    You’re also traveling for personal development, not just to get wasted in hostels and buy fisherman pants. You’ll return to your friends and family a better person than when you left…they’ll benefit from these travels, too. Good luck on your last week in Deng Feng!

  2. Amanda is completely correct! I’m still struggling to understand how you find the time to write so often and so well!

  3. Not everyone who fantasize about following their dreams have the passion or guts to stick it out like you do. Congrats and like Oscar Wilde says “We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars”.
    Mala Mukunda

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