Intestinal Mutiny in Beijing

I have been in Beijing for three days and have barely managed to get 300 meters from my hostel.

It must have been my first meal here, but my guts have chosen not to cooperate very much with my travel plans at the present moment! Actually, that is an understatement. A foul demon has pretty much set up camp inside my bowels and it is slowly dehydrating me.

I can only eat rice in small quantities, but hey, I was wanting to lose my gut before kung fu school anyway. I have had some nasty bugs that moved in and set up camp in my intestines before, but wow — this one takes the gold medal! Not exactly a surprise when you consider the public toilet I used today (a hole in the ground inside a wooden box) literally had poop handprints on the walls all around me. What kind of sub-humanoid freak would do such a thing? I have using squat toilets down to a science, my technique is patented, however, not being able to use the back wall completely messes up my style and makes life much more complicated. So much for the typical bathroom “for a good time call…” graffiti. I almost exploded into a maniacal laughter and ran down the street with my pants around my ankles it was so terrible.

Despite being sick, I did manage to meet up with Amanda at our fantastic Hostel “Beijing Hostel”. Who else am I going to find that will do kung fu in the street while it is raining, and then pushups in the hallway? 🙂

The hostel is the mecca for travelers on this street, the Bob Marley and Jack Johnson they play brings backpackers in like flies. Amanda shared some horror stories about WuShu training which gave me plenty to look forward to, but she also gave me some excellent tips for survival which will make it better. Fellow B&A member Adam is already there, so looking forward to meeting him.

I am so desperate to get fixed up before the hellacious training starts, that I took the 15-mystery-pill regimen which Amanda was given at her school. It consists of a variety of different shaped and colored capsules, most of which would probably give the FDA a heart-attack. If it works, I owe her big time!

Aside from the micro-explosions going on inside my intestines every 15 minutes, this place has a lot of potential. I can’t wait to explore! We managed to walk around Tienanmen Square today in a light rain and took pictures of lots of Chinese families taking pictures. These people sure love Mao. When I have some time and proper access, I will post some great photos. I might be the only traveler in the history of China that has been here 60 days and did not mange to see the Great Wall. That will be the case if I do not make a trip back up to the north after WuShu.

I head out to ZhengZhou tomorrow for one month of the toughest boot-camp style training of my life — I am excited and terrified at the same time. Beautiful. Oops…maybe the those pills are finally kicking in. 🙂

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